Gunning Down Romance
by Empatheia
Summary: [Light x L, spoilers] Brainscrewery, followed by screwery of other things.


**Fandom:** Death Note

**Pairing:** Light/L (or more accurately, Kira/L)

**Rating:** NC-17

**Summary:** Nobody does mindfuck like them. (Also, an alternate ending to L's death.)

**A/N:** I first published this to the Pit last year, and to my shock it was very well-received for a monstrous mindbender I'd plodded out over two dead shifts at work. At the moment it has a full twenty more faves than my main project, 'Once Upon an Inuyoukai.' I confess to being mystified.

Since then, I've rewritten the ending several times due to continued reader dissatisfaction. Therefore, here's the latest version. I hope you all like it better.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

_**Gunning Down Romance**_

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

The man of many names lived in a room full of people, chained to someone. He could not sneeze without his chainmate knowing, or eat or piss or cry for that matter. There was never a moment in his life when he was without company.

He wondered some days if he was the loneliest person on earth.

_Who do I want to be today?_ he thought as he woke in his customary chair, knees pulled protectively up under his chin as was his habit. _The great mysterious genius detective 'L'? Ryuuzaki-the-friendly-neighbourhood-freak? Ryuuga Hideki, god forbid?_

Some of the other loyal workers on the Kira case were already there-- it must have already been past nine. L furrowed his brow slightly. That was unusual-- he rarely failed to wake up later than six am. Sleep was not something he had much need or use for, and whenever possible he forewent it in favour of sugar and coffee, or both. Swallowing a yawn, he looked over to find Light sprawled ten feet away on the couch, handcuff chain lazily pooled on the floor between them.

L lifted his hand to his face and looked at the steel band circling his wrist. That little string of metal connected him to the only mind he'd ever met capable of matching his logical capacities, then only person who had ever really tested his abilities in any discernable way. The simple fact of the matter was, the man known as 'L' was a genius unparalleled by any but an extremely select few in the wide world, most of whom were reclusive and self-centered.

Yagami Light was one of a few dozen, perhaps less than that, out of six point four billion people capable of simultaneously exploring dozens of possible timelines and eventualities in any given scenario, profiling the psyches of all the players involved, and planning seven steps in advance to keep ahead of whoever his opponent was.

L had read Frank Herbert's Dune series once when he was nine, and every time he looked at Light was uncomfortably reminded of Leto II, the diabolical genius emperor with the power to see the warp and weft of the future. Light was not prescient, but he was close enough to it to make L very nervous indeed. L was not used to knowing anyone as smart as him, let alone smarter as he was beginning to suspect Light was.

Said genius stirred and groaned from his splayed position on the plush leather sofa, and L looked away. Another day of straining his extraordinary abilities to the maximum in order to catch the wily supernatural killer 'Kira,' who left no forensic evidence, or evidence of any kind at all for that matter, and always seemed to be far ahead of every move they made. L felt tired already.

His problem was not the identity of Kira. That he knew beyond a reasonable shadow of a doubt. What he needed was a way to prove his theory in such a way that Kira would be stopped but not caught or worse, killed.

Yagami Light was Kira, and L had known that within five minutes of meeting him on that university campus. At first, he had undoubtedly been seeking proof in order to have him arrested and probably executed. L did not care overmuch for people-- it was the _challenge_ that lay in helping people that he loved. He had been raised to do this exact job, and now he saw, raised to solve this exact case.

However, somewhere along the line he'd come across an unexpected event sequence that he hadn't been able to predict or deal with when it suddenly took over from the expected one. L had somehow found a friend in the cold, ruthless young man, and had also begun to sympathize, completely against his will, with what Kira was doing. Despite the brutality of the method and the reign-of-terror style of it all, L was forced to admit that the world had suddenly become a much more honest place thanks to the vigilante.

Despite his unwelcome sympathies, L still realized that Kira had to be stopped before he ended up ruling the world. However, he also did not want his only friend to die. This meant finding a way to stop Kira's supernatural method of killing without involving the authorities. And _that _was the prettiest puzzle L had ever come across. He simply could not find a solution, no matter how many scenarios he played out in his head. Light, a.k.a. Kira, always won every round.

That in itself was the single greatest confirming factor in L's conclusion that Light was Kira-- there were very few people in the world who could outsmart L, and only one who fit within the frame the detective had pieced together. Kira was from Japan, from the Kanto district, and was a high school student. There was only one such person in existence brilliant enough to outwit L, and that person was Yagami Light.

Who was now waking up to another day of his double life as Kira-slash-detective-on-Kira's-case. L loved nothing more in the world than watching Light wrap everyone in the room up in his web of intricate, utterly perfect lies. It was a form of artwork, and Light was a master, a virtuoso of beautiful falsehood.

_Good morning, Kira, _L thought wryly as he handed the groggy young man a cup of coffee. Heavy on the sugar, of course. Sugar was an essential to living healthily, in the genius' opinion. And since he was a genius, that meant that this opinion was probably much closer to fact that hypothesis.

Light took a deep swallow and promptly choked. L hid his smile behind his knees and watched with hollowed eyes as the blonde spluttered gracelessly.

"Dammit, L, you know I like my coffee black," he snarled when he'd managed to clear his throat of saccharine cafe.

"Sugar is good for you."

"How is it that you're so thin when all you eat is junk?"

"I eat what I like and work it all off thinking. It burns calories, you know. Lots of them."

Light didn't bother to respond to that, instead opting to stand and stretch leoninely.

"I've been thinking," L began.

"It's unnecessary to say that," Light interrupted casually. "You never _stop _thinking."

"True enough. However, back to the point please." He looked surreptitiously around and noted with satisfaction that the two police officers that had been there minutes ago had now departed to do their daily investigation work on another floor. He and Light were alone. Perfect. "There's something that's been bothering me for a while now, and I'm hoping you can help me untangle the issue."

Light settled in and steepled his fingers under his chin. "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"How smart would you estimate the original Kira is?"

L watched carefully as Light sank into thought. He could practically see the scenarios flashing through the young prodigy's mind: after all, he'd seen them all himself during his own thought-journeys.

_This should be interesting. I know how smart he is, that's the whole catch-- if he figures it out, then he'll know he's caught and be forced to make a move. I don't fear for my life yet, since he still doesn't know my name, but things are about to get really, really tense around here._

Light shut his eyes and his brows dove deeply into the center of his forehead. L sat up a fraction of an inch straighter, but gave nothing away with his expression.

"I'd have to say he's at least your level, probably higher since you haven't caught him yet. That would make him a genius capable of multi-stranding his thoughtlines and also in-depth psychological profiling, just like you or me."

_He didn't even hitch on the 'or me.' What the hell is going on here?_

"In fact," Light continued with a genuinely mystified expression, "if I didn't know better, I'd say Kira was one of us. Probably me by his moralistic system of victim selection. That has me written all over it. However, I think I'd remember going on a bloody rampage through the streets and prisons of the world with my magical way of killing people."

L stayed silent.

Light's eyes narrowed. "You still think it's me, don't you."

"Light..." L said quietly, "finish thinking this through. How often does our kind of genius occur?"

The question was the real crux of the whole line of questioning, and it did not go unnoticed. Light's eyes snapped wide open and caught violently with L's. His mouth gaped.

"I see you understand now. The chances of another brilliant mind such as your own occurring within the limited specifications we've determined about the original Kira is 0.00001. Fact 1.) Kira is from the Kanto area of Japan. Fact 2.) We have determined that their age is between middle school to early college level, so mid-teen to early twenties. Fact 3.) They are highly moralistic and have a vigilante viewpoint on crime and corruption. Light, you know the probability of Kira being anyone other than you is for all practical purposes nil."

Light looked slightly lost. "When I think about it, I realize that you're right. Kira is me, has to be. But I swear to you, on pain of death... pun intended... that I have no recollection of these murders, and you already decided that Kira was a conscious being, aware of his actions. That's a paradox."

Silence.

"Actually, the solution that makes most sense right now, though for other reasons I know it's impossible, is that _you're_ Kira."

L laughed helplessly. "Except for that fact that Kira and I taunted each other simultaneously on live TV."

"Like I said, other reasons."

For a long moment they sat and stared at each other silently.

_He's got to be Kira. There's no other possibility. However, the puzzlement in his eyes is genuine, I'm sure of it. If he's Kira, he doesn't know about it. But then what happens to my theory of Kira being conscious and being aware of his actions? I also see no way around that. And why did the murders stop for a while when Light was put in jail, then resume? I'm really beginning to suspect that this Kira we're investigating now isn't either the original or second Kira, but an entirely new one. This is becoming an epidemic!_

Then, Light shocked him by laughing softly.

"What? Have you figured something out?"

"In a manner of speaking. I just realized how much fun these little sessions are, that's all."

L was speechless. All around them people were dying... criminals, yes, but still people. Dying without the chance to make amends, not that most of them would. People were dying. And Light was bloody well _enjoying _himself.

"I know that sounds callous..."

_Yes, yes it does..._

"...but if I think about what's really happening here too much, I'll go insane. I have to balance out the depressing nature of what we're doing with _something_, and I guess what I've latched onto is verbally sparring with you. This has now become my one joy in life. What's going through your head as I say this?"

_I suppose that's the closest he'd ever come to asking someone else about their feelings. It's a good question, though._

"There is little in the world I enjoy more than matching wits with you, Yagami Light," L admitted, "and the little bit I enjoy more sums up to strawberry cake and sugar cubes."

Light laughed again, and L smiled helplessly. The boy scared the shit out of him a lot of the time, and he was still 100 certain he was the original Kira, but he and L were cast from the same mold. All the jagged edges of one fit into the gaping furrows and kinks of the other, so that they could be comfortable with each other where the diamond blades of what they were tended to cut and wound normal people who tried to get close.

Both of them found talking to regular people insufferably dull, and usually got headaches from trying to 'think down' to their level. Being with each other was relaxing, in a way, because they didn't ever have to worry about intellectually intimidating the other. They were free to flow through the realms of abstract logical imponderables without having to wait for the other to catch up.

"In the spirit of sharing, why do you always sit like that?" Light asked curiously, piercing eyes for once not attempting to impale anything.

_Because with my knees pulled up like this, no one can see past my ribs. I'm a miniature tank, unassailable and blank. That's why. "_Because it's comfortable."

"Liar, you do it to protect yourself."

_Score one for you, Light. Damn you and your profiling abilities. _"That too. And what about you and all your girlfriends? You can't tell me you actually want them."

Light grimaced and laced his fingers through his hair. "No, they just help me keep up appearances is all. I don't find any of them the slightest bit attractive, as you guessed."

Curious, L leaned forward and narrowed his eyes. "Now, why is that? I've seen some of them and they tend to be exceptionally beautiful and accomplished. In comparison to other women, your girlfriends always appear to have a higher sex appeal ratio. How is it that you do not desire them?"

"I'm not attracted to mere flesh. It's useless and messy and doesn't appeal to me at all." Light looked faintly disgusted by the thought of slavering over a woman's body. To be sure, he never hesitated to use his own attraction to women to get what he wanted, and L had no doubt he could get it up if the situation required, but it was never the woman itself that turned him on.

"So... what does attract you?"

"Power," the blond replied without a second's hesitation. "In all its forms. The only way a woman turns me on is if I know I have power over her. I suppose if I met a woman who could match my intelligence and ambition, I might be able to want her just a little, but most people aren't worthy of attention."

"Brain not body," L mused quietly. "Fascinating."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just thinking out loud."

"Whatever." Light looked at the chain around his wrist and L was tossed into a moment of deja vu about doing the exact same thing earlier. "What about you? You never go out... don't you ever get normal urges?"

L's eyes twinkled merrily. "Of course I do."

Light waited patiently for him to continue, but had no intention of doing so. He was perfectly content to let the other man wonder.

"You're gay, aren't you."

L choked and nearly lost his precarious balance on the chair. "W-what makes you say that, Light?"

The blond did not appear to have heard him. There was a disturbing light in his eyes and his fingers were tapping excitedly against each other as he thought. Then his eyes widened and he grinned triumphantly. "With _Whitely," _he concluded with satisfaction.

_He's baiting me. There's no way he could seriously think... that's a completely illogical conclusion and he has to know it. So why...? Wait. If this was anyone but Light and I, I would guess that he was fishing to see how I react and determine from that if I really am gay. What reason would he have for being interested in that? Fascinating, fascinating. I think I know what to do now._

L hid his smile and stretched his legs off the chair sinuously, baring his rarely seen upper body as though inviting something... or someone. He smiled lazily at the suddenly tense and suspicious Light. "Jealous?"

He knew immediately that he'd guessed right when Light recoiled violently and wrapped his arms around his legs. It was a comical sight-- now their habitual positions were completely reversed. L was sprawled on the chair confidently, while Light was huddled in classic 'L' position on the couch. Satisfied that he'd won, L pulled his legs back up and sighed in relief at not being exposed anymore. Light didn't budge.

"Jealous my ass," he finally managed to choke out. "I like women. Period."

"You just said you like power, not women. The most powerful figures in today's world are still mostly men. Imagine..." L paused, unsure of whether he wanted to continue his little experiment._ If I do this, I'm unsure of the conclusion of this event sequence. It could end up very strangely indeed. _Curiosity, however, won out in the end, as it usually did with him. "Just imagine if you could have one of the more powerful people you know of at your disposal, to do whatever you wanted to... or with?"

Light froze, and L wondered if he'd made a very grave mistake after all. The other boy's muscles were so constricted he was shaking, and his eyes were tightly shut. He gave every appearance of being a man desperately trying to maintain control over himself.

_Why would he be losing control? Unless... the image I just planted in his mind is having the effect I thought it might in the most extreme scenario. That being, having power over the powerful is the most erotic thing in his entire fantasy repertoire. He's much more a severe case of power-thirst than I'd originally thought... which only further confirms my theory of him as Kira. According to my vision of Kira, his ultimate goal is to rule absolutely over a clean and honest world full of people he approves of. Light is looking more and more like that._

Light was trying to pull all his limbs into his abdomen, it seemed like, as thought to make a flesh tank that no one could penetrate. _Just like me. _Of course, that posture also hid the physical evidence of L's hypothesis. L chuckled softly and watched the spectacle with great amusement.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you," Light gritted furiously.

"Very much."

"How did the conversation turn from you being gay to me being gay?"

"I outwitted you. Again." L's hands tightened nearly unnoticeably on his legs._ It's a dangerous game I'm playing here. If he reacts like I'm really beginning to suspect he will... I've just put myself in a power position, and drawn his attention to the fact that people in power that he has power over turn him on. The outcome is clear unless he realizes in time what I've done... why am I doing this? This has gone beyond curiosity now, I think. Could it be that I...? Don't play stupid, I know very well that that's exactly why I'm doing this._

"I must not be totally awake yet. There's no way you could outwit me if I was really alert."

_Just a little further..._ "Well... hurry up and wake up, then. I have work for you today."

_Snap_. It was almost audible, the breaking of the last bonds of control Light had over himself. In a single smooth move born of long years of athleticism, the blonde rocketed off the couch, across the room, seized L's slight form and slammed him painfully against the nearest free wall. "Do _not _order me around," he hissed, eyes narrowed viciously.

With a supreme act of will, L kept his face bland and unconcerned. "I'm your superior in this investigation. I direct your efforts as I see fit. Do you have an issue with my authority?" At the last second, L realized he'd gone too far. _Oh, shit. I'm in for it now._

Light did not drop him, but it was clear that the tables had turned. He'd finally figured out L's game and was laughing softly to himself. "Oh, so _that's_ it. Very clever, _Ryuuzaki_. So that's the way the kite flies, is it?"

Panic welled up in L's chest. He'd overplayed his hand and now he was stuck. Control belonged to Light now... _Oh no, not now. Please not now... _He looked up into the triumphant eyes of the only person he knew that was as smart as him and knew he had really, truly lost this time.

Light was attracted to power, and having power over the powerful most especially.

L was different. What L found attractive was brains, and there was nothing in the world so arousing to him as being out-thought. His traitorous body shuddered as Light's victorious, brilliant eyes surveyed their kill.

"So I like having power over the powerful... and _you_ like being defeated by someone smarter than you. No wonder we're never attracted to anyone... those are practically impossible situations either way. Well, well. Fine pickle we have now."

Anyone walking into the room at that moment would probably have walked right back out again and dunked their head in a sink full of cold water, convinced they were hallucinating. The genius detective L was pressed up against a wall by a triumphant-looking Light, which in itself was not that strange-- everyone knew they had a rivalry going that had escalated to violence on occasion. The part that would have them running for the psychiatrist's couch was the look in their eyes-- the helpless surrender into want in L's, and the predatory one in Light's.

"What are you planning to do?" L asked evenly, but his voice betrayed him by quivering slightly, which was not lost on Light. _He's Kira, and he has me outsmarted and pinned to a wall. If he only knew my real name, he could do whatever he wanted and then kill me. If I really were gay with Whitely I would kiss him for insisting that we all go by aliases... I wonder if he's prescient? But back to the present... Light's going to do something if I don't counteract him somehow._

"I'm planning to gain power over the powerful and then..." He leaned in to whisper right in L's ear. "...I plan to exercise it."

"Not right here, I hope," L gasped, short of breath. "Someone could be coming in any minute. You're not that crazy, I don't think."

Light's mouth was touching his ear now, so slightly he could barely feel it. L was sure he was going to die, in every possible way.

"I'm not that crazy, you're right. But you've shown your hand now, don't think I won't take advantage of that." With that, he released L and stepped away, returning casually to the couch as though nothing had happened. "I feel a little sticky, think I'm going to take a shower later."

L returned to his chair and sank trembling into it. _So that's it then... he'll go for a shower later and since I'm chained to him I always have to go to the bathroom with him. This time I really doubt I'll be sitting on the floor outside the stall, though. The obvious solution is to take the handcuffs off... but if I do that, he'll find a way to sneak out of the building and resume work as the original Kira. I can't allow that until I figure out a way to stop him killing people. If only I could figure out what his killing method is..._

Matsuda came into the room and began messing with one of the computers, humming happily under his breath. L hugged his knees and prayed no one would notice anything strange. Apparently, however, he normally looked nervous and twitchy, because Matsuda didn't even give him a second glance as he walked out several minutes later.

The silence was pushing painfully on his eardrums. The minutes passed, and flowed into hours.

L thought desperately with all the brilliance at his disposal, but could see no way out of his predicament._ To be completely honest with myself... I'm not sure I want out even if I could._

**OooooooooooooO**

To his very great surprise, when Light showered later that day, he sat on the floor outside the stall as usual. The other man washed himself silently, never saying a word to the extremely nonplussed detective on the other side of the glass.

_What game are you playing, Light? Why can't I predict your moves anymore?_

For the first time in a long time, L was very worried about the outcome of a scenario.

**OooooooooooooO**

For the next long while, business continued as usual, and the longer it went on the more frantic L got. Light was stringing him along, he was certain of it, but he had _no idea _what the other man was waiting for. Unless, of course, he was simply enjoying L's discomfiture.

Then came the night they closed in on Kyosuke Higuchi, the third Kira.

L was elated. Light sat in the copilot's seat of the helicopter as they swooped gracefully around the scene and landed with barely a bump. Flying a 'copter was very complicated, but a logical process once one knew what the relation of each button and lever was to the operation of the machine. L had those memorized within three minutes and had figured out how to fly intuitively within five minutes of actually being in the air. Thus the boy who had never been in a helicopter before that night was now outflying the professionals.

The street below was floodlit with police beacons, and in the middle stood a very small-looking man in a black suit, clutching something desperately to his chest.

_Now to test my theory... all I have to do is watch Light and I should know what the execution method is. He will want this man dead for certain. If I'm right, for some reason the powers of death have passed from him to this man temporarily while he was imprisoned. I'm sure there's a way for Light to get the power back, and he'll do it as soon as possible now that the man is right in front of him._

L squinted at what the man was holding.

_A notebook...? What on earth?_

"Tell us how you kill," someone demanded, as per the script, over the loudspeakers.

The terrified man brandished the notebook and cried out "This notebook! If you write someone's name in it and how they die, they die! This monster gave it to me..."

_He's deranged, _L thought disgustedly, _just what we need..._

Beside him, Light froze for a moment, then relaxed. L caught the movement and glanced over sharply, round sullen eyes narrowed in speculation.

_What was that about?_

He didn't have time to dwell on it, though-- the man was busy explaining how the notebook worked.

_Listen closely..._

Suddenly, the man clutched his chest, face contorted in a rictus of agony, and crumpled to the ground.

_Heart attack! _L was frozen. He looked frantically over at Light, who looked just as shocked as he was. This time, however, L was sure he was acting. _You expected this. What's going on? Have you gotten your powers back, Kira the original?_

An officer slowly approached the man, and then picked up the notebook. Immediately he began to scream and flail and point at midair. "A monster! What the hell is that?"

_What? You too?_

Another police officer ran up to the first and brushed against the notebook. He began to scream and point at the same place, utter terror written on his face. "It's a monster! Save us!"

L reached a decision.

Turning to the 'astonished' Light, he grasped his arm gently and forced him to meet his eyes. "Kira, since I'm probably already slated to die, will you please give me some answers? I'm sick of not understanding what's going on around me."

Light's face remained carefully blank, but L was not fooled. "What are you talking about? I thought we agreed that I wasn't Kira?"

"Sorry, Light, but I don't buy it. Everything fits too well. I don't know why or how, but I think you somehow lost your memories or blocked them or something, voluntary amnesia, when I incarcerated you. And I think you got them back, along with your Kira powers, just now. That man is dead because you killed him." He leaned his head back and stared at the grey steel ceiling of the helicopter cabin. "I know I'm not usually this blunt, but if I'm right I'm dead anyways, whether through this 'death note' thing or through direct assassination. I just don't want to die ignorant."

Light stared at him appraisingly, then smiled. That smile was the most frightening thing L had ever seen. It was calculating, cold, and absolutely lethal. "It never ceases to amaze me how smart you are," Light drawled. "Exactly right, as usual. Except for one part-- you're not going to die yet. I don't have your real name yet, but rest assured... I will soon. And then you will die."

The benevolent, semi-friendly Light of earlier that day was completely obliterated. This Light was a righteous murderer, a scheming, ambitious and absolutely ruthless killing machine that would not hesitate to eliminate anyone who got in his way.

"I am not afraid to die. I was living on borrowed time anyway. But please, tell me more. What about the second Kira? Was it Misa, as I thought? She probably did the same thing you did, giving up her power and memory while incarcerated. Are you going to give hers back? And how did you get yours back?"

"My death god showed himself to me," Light said, answering the last question first. "Touching him brought my memories back, and remembered a piece of the death note that I'd hidden in my watch. I used that to kill Higuchi. Yes, you're right-- Misa was the second Kira. I will be getting her memories back as she is crucial to my plan. Yes, she did the same thing as I did. My, you ask a lot of questions!"

L's mind was whirling. The entire thing about 'death gods' and notebooks that could kill without a trace was scientifically impossible, but he'd seen it in action and could not longer logically doubt the truth of it. "So death gods really exist... fascinating."

"Want to see?"

L nodded vigorously. Light reached over and pulled his hand into his own. L felt a scrap of paper brush his palm, and suddenly there was a spiky black thing standing behind Light. "Oh, my god," he breathed.

The thing glowered at him. "My name is Ryuk, not 'God.' Are you sure this is a good idea, Light?"

"He's going to die anyways as soon as the other half of the plan is carried out and I learn his name," Light replied easily. "Nothing to worry about, so relax. Now that you're back with me, I'll buy you a whole bag of apples for carrying out the plan so perfectly."

The hideous white face spread in a revolting parody of a smile. "Really? Ahh, this is why I hang around you. I remember now."

_Apples...?_

"Well, my friend, shall we go home for now? It's been an eventful night."

_Home? I'm going to let Kira into my headquarters now that he has his memories back and has the capability to kill me at any time? But what other choice do I have? I'm dead anyways... and he already knows everything the investigating team knew, since he was a principal member. There's really no point._

The police officer stumbled his way to the helicopter and handed the notebook over to Light, who smiled possessively at it. "Ryuk, get a move on. Misa's waiting."

"Ooh, things are going to get really interesting aren't they," the death god cooed as though Christmas had come several months too early.

"Oh yes," Light breathed, eyes gleaming. "Very interesting indeed."

L's head swam with the menace in his 'friend's' voice. Something was going to happen when they got home, and L was 92 certain that the 'interesting' event was going to be his own death. If he had been samurai, or any good at poetry, he would have composed his death poem. However, he was just a freak who grew up without parents, surrounded by the best minds in the world. So instead, he called up every person he'd ever met into his mind and thanked them for their contribution to his life. There were a lot of them.

When he got to Light, he found himself regretting what hadn't happened between them. It would have been nice, just once. _Ah well... I suppose I shall die a virgin, as I predicted. Pity._

**OoooooooooooooO**

The moment they returned to the complex, Light spent a perfunctory fifteen minutes debriefing the team, and then dragged L off to a seldom used floor and left instructions not to be disturbed.

_Time to die. But why separate me from the others? Won't that implicate you, Light?_

"You probably think you're about to die, don't you?" Light asked as he searched for the light switch.

"Of course. There is no other logical conclusion."

Light found the switch. The room brightened a few degrees so that they could see where they were going, but not to a harsh degree. It was still quite dark, the way both of them liked it. With the aid of the faint illumination from the wall sconces, L determined that this floor was another residential floor, similar to the one Misa resided on. It resembled a normal apartment, with a comfortable living room and a kitchen.

_I don't get it._

"Well," Light said with a predatory grin, "that's half right. You are going to die. But it's going to take a little while. So I figured I'd keep us... amused... while I wait for Misa to be ready."

_He can't be planning to... now?! Crazy bastard!_

"Got a thing for necrophelia?" he asked evenly.

Light chuckled humourlessly and stepped uncomfortably close so he could speak into L's ear. "Not particularly," he whispered, breath tickling L's ear.

The boy detective's knees weakened despite himself. He had never felt so thoroughly defeated and outsmarted in his entire life, and with that feeling came inevitable arousal. _Damn, damn, damn. So I won't die a virgin... can't decide now whether I'm happy about that or not. But I don't think if he keeps doing that I'll be able to resist in any case, so my happiness about it is irrelevant._

"I was wondering if you'd forgotten about your little plan," L said.

"Not a chance," Light murmured. "Don't worry... I actually have quite a bit of respect for you now because of this whole ordeal. I won't make you do anything too shameful. You should be able to face the gods with pride when you pass over at last."

"Well, thanks for that," L replied wryly, then forgot how to talk as Light's teeth closed gently over the outer shell of his ear and his tongue began to caress the delicate arch. "Oh."

Despite himself, he leaned precariously into the slightly taller man and allowed himself to be supported. His limbs felt soft and malleable, and in serious danger of depositing him on the hardwood floor. His hands tangled themselves in Light's shirt to hold himself up, and the other man swiftly seized his thin middle with one arm. L abruptly found himself crushed against Light's chest, his arms still uselessly trapped in the other's shirt.

Light's tongue was exploring his ear now: the tender stretch of skin behind it, the curving ridges of its spiraling shape, the soft little morsel of flesh that hung off the bottom. L had never thought of ears as sensual before, but at the moment... He pressed his fingernails into Light's chest.

"Will it hurt?" he whispered, unreasonably afraid now that the time had finally come.

Light paused in his exploitation of L's ear. "Probably at first, but don't worry-- I prepared in advance." His previously free other arm suddenly buried itself in L's hair and none-too-gently pulled his head to the side. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to see you lowered like this," he snarled huskily. "I want to make you, the most powerful person I know, beg. Not just for your life, but for your pleasure, too. Starting now." His tongue and teeth ravaged the side of L's neck, whispering over the jugular without breaking skin.

L knew from his extensive studies that animals often did this-- females would bare their throats to the alpha males in entreaty, a gesture of submission. Light's attentions hurt, but L was lost in desire and the pain was blurred. He instinctively tilted his head further to allow the blonde's mouth clearer access.

_Spoils of battle, that's what this is. We fought a war and he won, and now he's exercising his right to choose his reward. This is kind of twisted... but I have a suspicion that I'm going to die a very blissful death if he keeps this up._

Light's hand released his hair when he realized he did not have to hold on any longer, and moved instead to the hem of the loose, wrinkled shirt L habitually wore. Fingers brushed on skin, and L's overtaxed knees finally gave out and buckled. The athletic Light had no trouble catching him, and so now L was literally hanging in Light's arms, pressed fully against him.

"Stand up and walk," Light commanded, obviously enjoying every second of control and supremacy. L numbly obeyed, shuffling his jellylike legs in the direction the other pointed.

L didn't need to be told to know what room this was, and headed blindly for the futon.

"Wait."

L turned back, curious. _Now what?_

"Strip."

_Oh. That makes sense. But... _He hesitated, unsure of what to do. He had never tried to take clothes off in a sensual way before-- usually, he just clawed his way messily out of whatever he was in because it was beginning to smell bad. He hadn't the foggiest clue how to do it in a way that was pleasing to others.

"Strip, or I'll do it for you."

Awkwardly, L hooked his fingers under the hem of his shirt, feeling Light's hooded, burning eyes on his back. Slowly he began to pull it up and over his head with shaking fingers. It seemed to take forever to him, and apparently to Light too, for he hadn't even gotten it all the way up to his neck yet when the other made an impatient noise and strode forward. Strong fingers seized the neck of the shirt from behind and roughly ripped it right down the spine.

Cool air and hot breath swirled across L's back, and the slight man shivered.

"Mine, mine, all mine," Light hummed in a delighted, slightly sadistic singsong in his unmolested ear as he basically shredded the fastener of L's loose trousers. They pooled around L's feet, leaving his wiry tennis player's legs bare and gleaming. Light pressed lips and tongue to the slight protrusions of his spine, moving steadily lower as L desperately tried to remain standing.

Abruptly, L underwent a perspective shift that caused his eyes to cross. Suddenly, the figure behind him was no longer Yagami Light, high school student with ambition-- it was Kira, the ruthless vigilante who was going to kill him whenever this sojourn was done.

Instead of killing his burgeoning lust, as he'd expected it to, he was unexpectedly swamped in a wave of heat that spread from the base of his skull all the way down to his groin and past. He gasped and felt his joints turn to water. All the heat swirled inwards and centered itself in his groin, until he thought it would explode.

"I never expected you to react like this," Kira's silky voice mused as his fingers smoothly slid L's dark blue cotton boxers down his legs. "I'm going to make you scream, you know that."

_Yes. Yes, please. If I'm going to die, make it spectacular, my friend!_

For a long, cold moment, Kira pulled away and L was left standing naked in a cool, dark room, feeling the draft from the vents playing with the small hairs of his body. Then, so suddenly he could hardly assimilate it, there was someone pressed full length against his back, lips pressed into the nape of his neck. One hand was flattened on his wiry chest, and the other into his belly, pulling him back into the heated hardness there.

L began to sweat.

"Don't move," Kira snapped sibilantly. "I'll be right back."

Pause.

"Actually, on second thought... on the futon. Hands and knees."

Gratefully L stumbled the last few steps to the white smoothness of the futon and collapsed, shaking. He could not hear Kira's movements-- it was as though he was alone in the spartan, black-and-white room. Shadows of grey curled around him possessively.

_I never guessed this is where I'd end up... on my knees for the man who was supposed to be my target. I'm not used to losing, I guess. At least it's him... I'm not sure I could stomach this if it was anyone else. There's too few people like us for me to have found someone else I fit with so well. ...Also, never thought this was how I'd lose my virginity. Then again, never thought I'd lose my virginity in the first place..._

Suddenly there was something cold and definitely wet in a very personal place that no one else had ever touched. And then, very warm fingers smearing whatever-it-was around. L shuddered and pressed into the fingers helplessly. He was mostly sure the place was not supposed to feel desire, but feel desire it did. Quite ferociously, too. L _wanted._

With the ease of long hours of muscle-training, Kira flipped him over so that L lay flat on his back with the blonde above him. A knee forced itself between his legs. L was limp as a ragdoll, just a bundle of hyper-excited nerve endings. Every draft of air across his skin made him shiver.

In the dim light, L could see Kira's ferally gleaming eyes mere inches from his own. Descending, descending, descending, and then... he was being thoroughly plundered by that incredible tongue. There was no crevice of his mouth that was not explored, not claimed, not taken.

Kira braced himself on one arm, muscular midriff pressing L hard into the mattress, and used the now-free hand to pull L's knee up around his shoulder.

And then, L felt something prodding him in the artificially slickened place. His breath came in short heaving gasps of anticipation. With deeply hollowed eyes he stared up at the victor and formally surrendered.

"You win... Kira."

A victorious, toothy grin swallowed Kira's face and he hunched harshly forwards.

At first, there was only pain, more pain than L had ever felt in his life. He was invaded, he was being violated, and on top of the indignity it really, really hurt. For a moment he felt annoyed and unimpressed, as though he though losing shouldn't hurt that much. _Ridiculous... he could have hurt me far more if he'd wanted to._

And then... then, the pleasure hit. L arched backwards and howled soundlessly.

For the first time he could remember, L the wonder-child of the West, completely stopped thinking and surrendered to pure sensation.

Kira moved ever so slightly, and the effects of the tiny motion rippled through L. "You like this?"

L had forgotten how to speak, so he merely stared up at Kira and loved him for all he was worth. Kira understood.

"You are mine, to do with as I please. Do you understand?"

L nodded.

"You will die when I am finished. This is the last pleasure you will ever feel."

L honestly couldn't care less. His arms curled around the lean figure pinning him down and he lifted himself up to plant his mouth against Kira's, which haughtily accepted the intrusion. He dug his fingernails into the hard back, mutely pleading.

"Ha, I said I'd make you beg," Kira gloated.

Within the echoing chambers of his mind, L implored Kira never to stop in an unending string of nothing-words that made no sense but that were all he was capable of at the moment.

As if he could hear the internal mindless monologue, the vigilante withdrew completely as if to say 'no.'

L wanted to cry. He slid his hands lower, filling his palms with Kira's buttocks and pulling him down. Kira adamantly held back.

"Beg me."

"Please!" L blurted, past reason and logic. "Kira, please!"

The name jolted the other man and almost against his will he plunged back into L, who welcomed him with desperate joy.

Nature took over then and a rhythm developed, harsh and laboured but every subtle movement charged with pleasure. L wrapped every spare inch of flesh he had around Kira's frame and glued their lips together.

The knowledge that these were his last moment spurred him on to greater heights, and his abandoned pleasure drove Kira wild. The rhythm grew stronger and faster, more powerful. Kira pounded into L with everything he had, all his triumph and lust poured into the movement of his body.

"Mine! Mine! Mine!"

"Kira..."

L's short, chewed-off nails drew ragged lines of blood down Kira's heaving back, and the edge of death was reached.The room exploded into light as they reached climax together, seamlessly melded together.

And then, shockingly, the room lit up literally. The jarring change in atmosphere felt to L as though his cells were being forcibly rearranged. His head spun and he felt slightly ill, but just for a moment. He was nothing if not adaptable.

There was someone in the doorway with a hand on the light switch.

"There you are!" Misa chirruped brightly. She had her bright golden hair in cheery pigtails and seemed to be dressed in nothing more than a ragged sheet of half-destroyed black fishnet. In a feat he doubted many other women could ever hope to accomplish, she made wearing a broke fisherman's castoffs look sexy. The coy light in her eyes was surreal. "Time to die, Mr. L!"

L closed his eyes and savoured Kira's weight collapsed on top of him. It was a very good way to die.

"About time, Misa," Light snapped. "What's his name, damn it?"

"Move off so I can see his face."

Light tore himself away and L curled into himself like he'd had his innards torn out. Misa regarded him with weirdly innocent eyes.

Then she frowned, pursing peach-tinted lips. "Um, Light..."

"What?" Light howled frantically. "What is his name?"

Misa turned to Light, terrified and wringing her hands. "We've got a bit of a problem, my darling love."

"Problem?" Light hissed lividly. "What _problem?"_

L smiled to himself. He hadn't been sure it would work... but it appeared he had Whitely to thank yet again, as well as his anonymous parents.

"He, umm... I don't know how to say this..."

Light seized her shoulders in a vicious grip and glared at her. "_Now_, Misa."

"He... doesn't _have_ a name, Light."

Light... Kira... froze disbelievingly. "If you're fucking with me, Misa..."

"I swear I'm not! Misa would never lie to Light!"

The world ended for Kira and began again for L. The detective pulled himself shakily to a sitting position and looked up at Kira, who looked ready to tear the entire city apart with rage. L wondered if he was going to die anyways by such an ordinary method as a wrung neck. Indeed, Kira was coming towards him with hands outstretched...

But at the last moment, Light pulled back and started to laugh hysterically.

_He's gone insane... that's the only explanation. Why doesn't he kill me? He has to know that I've meant to stop him..._

"Hey, 'L'," Light gasped. "I appear to have lost my mind, so I have a question for you. How'd you like to be Kira with me? Since I can't seem to get rid of you?"

Shock. Complete and utter shock reigned supreme in L's mind for a good long minute before he pulled his synapses together and remembered how to think.

_He can't be serious. Absolutely cannot. This is a complete reversal... just a minute ago, he was practically frothing at the mouth at the thought of killing me. Now he wants to partner up? Unless he really has lost his mind, it makes no sense. Unless... unless he didn't really want to kill me, he just wanted it over with quickly so he wouldn't have to think about it. He's friendless... alone... just like me. Perhaps it's not so impossible after all that he wants a friend as I do? Perhaps this is what he wanted to do all along but couldn't find the rationalization for._

He curled up in his customary thinking position and reconsidered the offer. Light stood and waited patiently while Misa whined frantically in his ear about risks and madness and...

_So tempting... but no, I don't think I can actually kill people, even criminals, with my own hands. _"Sorry, Light... but I'll have to pass. I'm not a murderer and though I agree that the world needs improvement, I can't and won't condone your methods."

Light laughed. "I thought you'd say that. I sense a 'however,' though. Keep talking."

L let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. "However... what I will do is keep the authorities off your tail as long as I can. As long as it takes for me to figure out how to stop you without getting you killed, that is."

"Don't mind my asking, but why? Don't you value the lives of all these criminals? How is mine worth more? Not that I'm disagreeing, mind."

L smiled, a genuine, thin smile that was uniquely his. "Because you're my friend, Light. Kira. I can be selfish sometimes too. I don't have any other friends, so I'm sure not going to get the only one I have executed." Sappy and saccharine as it sounded, it was the absolute and total truth. L felt completely open and free now that there were no secrets, was no game of cat-and-mouse left to play.

"You're fucked up, do you know that?"

L stood up, still completely naked, walked over to Light, and stared him straight in the eyes. He didn't say a word, but Light, like always, understood. They smiled darkly at each other.

"Hey, what's going on here? I don't get it! Why do you look at him like that and never look at me like that? I'm jealous! I'm totally jealous!" Misa howled.

"Misa," Light said simply, "shut up."

And wonder of wonders, she did.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

**A/N: **If you guys still don't like the ending, let me know and I'll rework it yet again. Heh. 'Til then, thanks for reading!

Eia


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